The Lie That You Adore
by GothicPenguin367
Summary: Craig overhears Tweek’s secret one night at a sleepover, and he can’t understand it at all. He must have misunderstood… right? Craig/Tweek.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter One**

I know technically that it is lying. But I don't care.

He'd be humiliated if he knew. I know I should tell him. It's his secret, and if he didn't choose to tell me, then it's within his right to not have me know. Yet, I took that right from him. Yes, by accident. It's not my fault. However, I should have spoken up the second I heard it. I shouldn't have kept quiet, said nothing. Everyday I pretend I don't know, yet there it is, staring in our faces. Neither of us acknowledges it. We don't _want_ to acknowledge it. He just smiles at me, yet I know he wouldn't be smiling if he thought, even for a second, that I knew his secret. I can't bring myself to do it. I can't tell him, because I don't know what I would say. Hell, I don't even know what I think of said secret.

It all started as quietly as it is continuing now. It was the last Friday of the summer, and it was a typical day for a typical 15 year old boy. There was no freak weather, no odd happenings as were becoming so common in my hometown, just a plain, boring cloudy day. I didn't know that everything would be different, yet not change at all, by the end of this day. All I'd done for the past daylight hours were do chores, play videogames, and think about girls, the usual. Nice and boring, the way I like it, as I often tell my friends. I don't like the excitement of the madness in this town. I'd got my fair share of it in Peru. Kenny and his so-called friends could have their adventures, I don't care for them. Now, this situation with Tweek and his secret is a different kind of excitement all together, and I don't like this either. In fact, I'd rather have the trippy whacked-out adventures with those faggots over this. All of this, I do not know how to react to. I do not know what to do with it. So I've left it.

Anyway, it was the day of our weekly sleepover. As usual, it was at Clyde's house. His is the only suitable one, really. Token's parents are always so terrified that we are going to break something that they check on us every five minutes, and Tweek's father's pointless stories piss me and Clyde off so much that we refuse to go there on a regular basis. All they ever have in the house is coffee, anyway. I tried sneaking food in there once, and I think Tweek's father took it all and put it in the coffee blender. All I know is that one minute it was there, and next it was gone, and I was being handed a mug of coffee that seemed to have a cheese pizza flavour. We tried my house for a while but Tweek always panicked whenever one of my lovely family members would flip him off. They did not mean to scare him, but anything does. Especially when he thinks someone hates him, he assumes they are plotting to murder him in some bizarre way. Not sure where he got the idea my family hated him from, though.

It was an average sleepover. I'm not sure why we still have them. They started when we were 8 and nobody seems to want to give them up. Even me. It proceeded the way most of our sleepovers do. We arrive, make fun of Clyde's house for a while – even there's nothing wrong with it, which makes it even more fun – then we play videogames for what seems like a lifetime until one of Clyde's parents insists on lights out. After the stage is set for bed in case said parents come back, we play dares, because Clyde still thinks it's fun and won't take no for an answer. The game is normally livened up by Tweek's frantic refusals to do a dare whenever posed with one, for some reason or another. Eventually, we fall asleep, and that's it until next morning, when I would wake to Tweek smiling at me from the end of my sleeping bag. Well, that last part did not quite happen in the same way as usual.

That night, I just could not sleep, no matter what I tried. In three days, we would start the fifth year of high school. I had been thinking about how I would actually have to work my ass off at school now. I had completely bummed the last year, and my parents had been furious. Let alone the principal considering whether to keep me back a year. Thank god the bastard was finally convinced by my charismatic self. Ha, hardly likely, more like I'd promised to work my hardest and keep out of fights, and practically begged to be given another chance. Not my proudest moment, but hell, dignity has to be sacrificed in front of one person sometimes to keep it in front of others. God, the guys would have given me hell about it if I had to be kept back. Well, all but Tweek. The poor kid probably would have just twitched and offered to help me. He's a sweet kid like that. Too bad that I can't ever be as nice to him. It's not really in my nature. If I ever try, then it just seems insincere, even when I really mean it. People often get even more offended than if I'd just flipped them off. I am the tough one, the one who gets into fights, the one who is known for his middle finger. Sometimes I don't even know why my friends put up with me.

While I just lay there, trying to get the goddamn thoughts of school out of my head and just get some sleep, I just kept my eyes closed. I tried squeezing them harder, but that did not help any. I was jealous of Clyde, lying on one side of me, snoring right in my ear. I nudged him a few times, but the bastard just kept on snoring. I was about to give up when I heard some shuffling across the room. I opened my eye slightly, and saw a flash of blonde hair, accompanied by frantic breathing. Tweek.

"Token? You awake?" He hissed. I felt Token move slightly beside me, and he merely grunted. "I need to talk to you."

I smiled slightly and closed my eyes again. I thought he'd probably seen the underpants gnomes again. Goddamn things hadn't left him alone even into high school. I remember the blush on his face when I'd suggested that if he went commando everyday he wouldn't have to worry about the damn gnomes taking his underwear.

"Token!" He squealed a bit more loudly. I thought that he might have woken Clyde up, being that loud, but he kept on snoring so Tweek was safe. Sort of.

"Alright, alright, I'm up!" I felt the body beside me move up in his sleeping bag. I assumed he was now sitting with Tweek. "Calm down. What is it?"

"I can't stop it!" Tweek almost cried. I could imagine him tugging at the hem of his pyjama shirt as he said this.

"Tweek, I told you, it's unhealthy." Token sighed. I raised my eyebrow at that. Was this his coffee addiction? Token had never seemed to disapprove of it too much before. Well, no more than the rest of us. We all told him the stuff was going to ruin him though. I swear, one day he's going to twitch himself to death after all that caffeine.

"But… how do you stop it?" Tweek sniffed. God, was he going to cry?

"I don't know, buddy." Token muttered sympathetically. "But as I always say, if you don't figure out how to stop all this soon, it's all going to come out."

Now, this was getting interesting for me. What was Token talking about? This definitely couldn't be about coffee addictions or underpants gnomes. I had heard enough, though, to know that whatever it was, it was supposed to be a secret. I have never been one to infringe on someone's privacy – I am a pretty private person myself. Yet, Tweek fascinates me in a strange sort of way. Him and me have never been close; heck, the first time I ever spoke to him was when I was about to fight him. Can't remember who won that fight, I don't think either of us did. Anyway, he'd only joined the group after him and Token had done some pussy school project together, and after that Tweek had stuck to him like glue. Much to mine and Clyde's annoyance, Tweek had now joined the lunch table. And the recess group. And eventually, the sleepover rota. Clyde eased up on him a lot faster than I had, but then, he hadn't been beaten into hospital by the guy a few months earlier. Don't get me wrong – I don't dislike Tweek. I like him a lot. He makes me laugh, and I think he's a cute kid. I like the way he blushes when I ruffle his hair. I just didn't get the guy, back then. Yet, I couldn't deny that Tweek was interesting. He could be brave as hell, with getting involved in all the mad shit that happens in South Park, while at the same time, panicking about it all. I had realised a while before that I did not really know a lot about him – most of what I knew was what he was scared of. One time, I made an effort to get to know him by asking him a bunch of questions like, you know, "What's your favourite colour?" and all that crap. But the poor guy had freaked and said that he would never confess and ran away from me before I knew what was going on. Token had told me that Tweek had thought I was interrogating him for something. Needless to say, I did not try that again. So, I just got little bits of information about him by paying more attention. Even then, I had not learned much. Therefore, Tweek is kind of a mystery to me. That's why, on the night of that sleepover, I just listened to Tweek and Token talk, instead of telling them I was awake. Curiosity. I was being given an opportunity to learn something about Tweek without scaring him. I had no idea what I was about to hear, and if I had known, I'm not sure if I would have done the same.

"Look, Tweek." Token had murmured. "If you want to tell everyone, I'll help you, but I'm not sure how long I can keep this secret for you."

"NO! GAH! Can't tell them!" Tweek's voice was reaching quite a high pitch. I have no idea how Clyde slept through all of this.

"Tweek, you can't hide it forever. If you can't stop it, then you should tell them before they find out for themselves."

"I don't care if _Clyde_ knows." Tweek stated simply. Now, I was starting to get offended. I knew we weren't the best of friends, but I didn't think that Clyde was that much closer to him than I was. What could he tell Token and Clyde that he couldn't tell me?

"Tweek, you know that if Clyde found out, it would be a matter of seconds before he told Craig. Is that what you want?" Token had hissed.

"No." Tweek muttered, in a sort of rejected tone, I noted. I was getting ready to stand up and punch both of their faces in by this point. What was so goddamned _awful_ about me knowing? They were talking as if it would be a disaster. _I could keep a secret_; I remember thinking, rather angrily really. If Clyde obviously couldn't do the same, why would it be alright if he knew but not me?

"But we really do have to do something." Token continued. "If you've already tried, and it's it been this _long_, then we have to assume these… feelings of yours… that they aren't going to go away."

"No! They have to!" Tweek sounded like he was going to crack any minute. I hadn't heard him so upset before, even when he ran out of coffee on a field trip one day and he was told he couldn't get more until he got home.

"Tweek," Token was getting rather stern by this point. "It's a fact that if really you like someone as much as you obviously do then the person has a right to know!"

Huh. So Tweek liked someone. That was a bit of a surprise, but I suppose it shouldn't have been. Tweek's just as human as me, even though he seems different sometimes. I remember going through the girls in our year in my head. Who did Tweek like? Bebe? Well, everyone likes Bebe at least a little bit. I couldn't really picture the two of them together, though. The image alone almost made me laugh, but I managed to keep quiet. Who else? Red? Annie? Heidi? I was so busy trying to picture Tweek with all these girls and then trying not to laugh that I nearly didn't realise that Tweek and Token had stopped talking. When I noticed, I thought for a moment that they had realised I was awake. I held my breath, which would have been a stupid thing to do if they already knew I was awake, but I had panicked a bit. Not a Tweek panic though. Nowhere near that. I don't think I've ever been as worried about anything as he has been about the smallest things, like how full his coffee mug is. I let the breath go when I heard Tweek whisper something to Token, but I didn't quite hear it.

"He won't hate you! It's just some stupid feelings. It happens to everyone." Token replied. '_He_'? In my head, it had all of a sudden made sense. From what they had been saying, it sounded like the person Tweek had a crush on was off-limits. And Tweek was worried about a _guy_ hating him. I had come to a conclusion. Wendy Testaburger. Tweek liked Wendy, and he thought Stan would hate him for it. The two were still together, after all these years. I felt like saying then that Stan definitely wouldn't hate him, hell, he'd probably thank Tweek for taking her off his hands, since he obviously has a huge boner for Kyle. Stan and Wendy seem unable to break-up, though. Whenever they fight, which is often, they just get right back together. Thankfully, I kept my mouth shut, because I did not know then how very wrong I was.

"Oh Jesus, yes he will!" Tweek cried, and I felt a slight breeze then. I could picture Tweek's sleeping bag escaping Tweek's body in his frenzy.

"Dammit, Tweek, Craig will deal with it!" Token retorted. Me? Why should I care if Tweek wants that bitch Wendy? She's really up herself, I wasn't sure why Tweek would want her, but really, I wouldn't care enough to debate it, so I'm not sure why Tweek would be worried what _I_ think. "You need to tell him."

"That's _far_ too much pressure!" I smiled at Tweek's phrase that he uses on a daily basis. He thinks everything is too much 'pressure'. It's a miracle he hasn't exploded yet, in my opinion.

"Fuck, Tweek, if you don't tell him I will! I've had enough of this!" Token was getting angry. God, I was glad I wasn't Tweek right then, Token could be a scary bastard when he wanted to be.

"GAH! Token! No! Oh, Jesus!" That was it, Tweek had lost reason. Again. He began to babble in the way that he does when he finally breaks down. All he can do is yelp, squeak and call out 'Jesus' over and over. I felt Token hurriedly move away from me, supposedly to calm Tweek down, from the soothing sounds he was making.

"Calm down, Tweek. I won't tell. I'm sorry. Just calm down." When that did not seem to work, Token resorted to threats. "You'll wake up Clyde and Craig." That seemed to shut Tweek up quite quickly.

"Y-You won't tell?" Tweek stuttered, nervously. His voice was ragged; I could hear that he'd just been crying. I inwardly sighed. Great. I hated it when guys cried around me, it always made me feel incredibly uncomfortable.

"I won't. I promise." Token reassured Tweek.

I could have saved Tweek a lot of hassle then. I could have pretended to actually wake up. Then I wouldn't have heard any more of the conversation. Or, I could have told Tweek that I knew, and saved him the bother of telling me anything, which was obviously worrying him. Hell, I should be doing that now. Yet, even a month later, I still can't tell him that I heard everything. He is still panicking like this. That's the thought that plagues me – that I could save him all this grief. I'm just being selfish. I can't tell him that I know. Because I don't want to acknowledge it. I want to forget about it. But I can't. Neither of us can.

"Th-Thank you, Token." Tweek muttered, finally calming down. I still was not sure if the extent of Tweek's desperation for me to not wake up or know anything about all this should offend me or not. So, I just remained silent, listening. I know eavesdropping is not right, but now I had heard too much, so I had to hear more. There was no way I could sleep now, my head was buzzing with all this new information and ideas. Anyway, it was not really my fault if I heard it by accident, right? I couldn't sleep!

"It's okay, buddy." Token soothed. Tweek sniffed a few times, but the two of them were mostly silent for a few minutes. I thought that they'd stopped; that maybe they had gone to sleep. That idea somewhat disappointed me. I wanted to learn more – especially why it was that I should _not_ know. I was not sure why I was so interested – I suppose I just really wanted to learn more about this kid. As Clyde often chides me for, I mostly seem to not care about anything except Stripe, my guinea pig.

The next moment Tweek spoke, it surprised me because, firstly, it broke the silence, and then because of _what_ he said. I must have misinterpreted it, I had thought.

"But…I _really_ like him. So much." Tweek had muttered. That stopped me short. '_Him'_? So, earlier, I had been way off. Tweek liked a _guy_. Huh. So Tweek was gay. That was…odd. I was very confused at the time – I had not seen this coming. After thinking about it for a moment, I had decided that I didn't mind. Tweek could be gay if he wanted; it was none of my business. I am around Butters everyday, and though he is really strange and I don't like him that much, it isn't his sexuality that puts me off. After he came out last year, I had realised that sexuality really did not matter at all. Butters is the same as he had always been. Everyone had suspected it with him anyway. Tweek was a bit more unexpected, but I could deal with it.

"I know." Token sighed. After that, I started to get offended again. It was stupid of me to, I know that now, but I was exhausted and far too curious. Did Tweek really think I was homophobic? Did he think I hated gay people that much? He seemed so damn terrified of the idea of me knowing – Tweek should know that I'm not like that! If he should be scared of anyone finding out, it should be Cartman! Not _me_!

"You need to tell him." Token added. That reminded me, I still did not know who Tweek liked. I had started going through all of the guys we knew then. It could have been anyone. It definitely wasn't Clyde – he'd said he did not mind if Clyde knew the secret. I had racked my brains then, and could not come up with any one person. There were many possible candidates.

"I won't tell him yet. I'm not ready." Tweek had said. I could imagine Token sitting there with his arm around him, like a brother.

"That's okay." He'd soothed.

"But… when I do…how do I tell him?" Tweek had whispered. He had sounded so vulnerable then; it had almost made _me_ want to comfort him.

"Just… come out and say it. Get him alone, and say it." That's what Token had done with Wendy, back in fourth grade. It had worked for him. However, Tweek had started to laugh. Not a genuine laugh, a kind of cynical laugh. I had never imagined that sound would come out of Tweek's mouth. I had to crack my eye open slightly to check that Tweek hadn't been replaced with someone else without my knowing. Never mind, there he was, as I had imagined, sitting in an embrace with Token.

"And what do I say to him?" Tweek's voice was hoarse and slightly hysterical; he did not sound himself at all. "'Oh, hey Craig! I've really liked you for the past year! Want to do something about it?' I think not!"

It was in that moment that everything changed. Tweek liked… me? How was that even possible? I must have misheard. I must have been mistaken. Sadly, no, I wasn't. From the parts of conversation I could make out after that, through my own horror, that Tweek could not be talking about anyone but me. It was so obvious, so simple, in that moment. I should have figured it out before. I would have laughed at my own stupidity if I wasn't still reeling from the shock. My eyes had shot open, but neither of the other two noticed, they were too wrapped up in their discussion to notice, thankfully. How could Tweek like me? He does not know anything about me, or so I thought. I do not know anything about him. I am not anything _like_ him. How is it even possible for him to like me?

I do not remember much else about that night. All I do remember is that I lay there, sleepless, for the rest of the night, left in my own thoughts and shock. Yet, my mind was not good company, as all it could do was form incoherent half-thoughts, all buzzing madly around my head. I could not make any sense of the situation. I thought everything had changed.

However, that morning, when I finally got out of bed, Tweek was sitting at the end of my sleeping bag, smiling at me. As usual. All I did was smile back. Then I got up, and the morning proceeded as usual. Me, Tweek, Clyde and Token, playing videogames. Nothing out of the ordinary. I knew then, although everything had changed for me last night, nothing had changed as well. Nothing at all.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

It became a habit after that night, lying. I lie to Tweek everyday. Everyday I keep my mouth shut, I lie. Everyday I pretend I do not notice him staring at me, I lie. Everyday. And it is easy.

I almost wish it is a lot harder to lie to Tweek. I almost wish that I had a burning urge to tell him everything, to reveal his secret to him again. Yet it is effortless. He would come to me in the morning at school, and we go to class together. Easy. We talk like we always do. Easy. We go to lunch together. Easy. The end of school. Easy.

Now, the weekly sleepovers, they have gotten a lot more interesting. I quickly realised that Tweek and Token talk about me every time. It is kind of flattering, that I am such a pressing issue. Then again, it also hurts. Tweek would get frantic all the time, and cry most of the nights. I curse myself for causing him so much pain. If I knew what I was doing to make him hurt so much, I'd stop. Logically, though, it isn't something I can control. Yet, it is strange how little the mind thinks logically.

The eavesdropping quickly became a habit of mine. I never sleep at the sleepovers any more. Tweek sometimes panics when he notices the bags under my eyes, and he exclaims that the school is to blame and declares revenge against it, much to mine and Clyde's amusement. It was something else I noticed though. Often, whenever I interact with Tweek, ruffle his hair as I always do, talk to him directly, Token glares at me. Just for a moment. Then he would compose himself again. It is getting pretty damn annoying. Yet, I can't say anything to him without revealing I had listened to all their conversations.

I learn more each week. It turns out that Tweek had first began to realise he liked me after Mr Garrison took us all to Mexico one day. We thought it was just a field trip; it had turned out that Mr Garrison just wanted to verbally abuse the Mexicans – he was in need of yelling at someone, since he couldn't do it to gays anymore. That day had been ridiculous; Cartman had taken the opportunity to try and obtain all of the Mexicans to be his slaves, or something. We'd all got wrapped up in it, and by the end of the day Cartman had killed ten Mexicans and had one to call his slave, which some Mexican politician had agreed to give him if he left the country and never returned. This also resulted in each and every one of us being banned from entering Mexico. I fucking hate Cartman. All of that, just so Mr Garrison could get rid of some pent-up aggression. Underneath all that, I had tried to remember what else had happened that day that would cause Tweek to declare _that_ the day he realised he liked me. After some long thinking, I remembered that Mr Garrison had made us all get into pairs and hold hands so we wouldn't get lost. Like that was our biggest problem. I had been partnered with Tweek – I guess that must have been it. I knew that field trip was all a big mistake. Now I can't ever go to Mexico and one of my male friends has a crush on me.

A point there, none of us could fathom why Mr Garrison was _still_ our teacher. We'd had him since the third grade, and here we were, about seven years later, and he's still with us. He can't teach at all, and he obviously hates the job and all of us. No one remembers him joining the high school, even. The entire class, apart from Kyle and Wendy, that is, has accepted that we're all going to be failures under his teaching. Never mind, I never saw a lot of potential in most of us academically anyway.

Therefore, we were all unsurprised when Mr Garrison followed us again at the start of this new school year. Tweek and I sat together in class again. I was surprised at the lack of awkwardness between us; it was just as it had always been. We exchanged a few words, and then sat in class, in our own states of boredom, until we joined with Clyde and Token again at lunch. It was comfortable, not awkward at all. Until, one day at lunch, Clyde was being more of a douche than usual. Unintentionally, I'm sure, but still.

We all sat down with our food, me next to Clyde and across from Tweek, when Clyde began to grin from ear to ear.

"Guess what, guys!" He exclaimed. I think his outburst really startled Tweek; he nearly fell out of his seat. I stabbed aimlessly at my food with a fork – how were we expected to eat this crap? All of us miss Chef's cooking – it isn't the same here.

"What is it?" Token asked, not sounding the least bit interested. When I looked up, Tweek was the only one who actually seemed to care to what Clyde was going to say.

"I'm going out with Bebe!" That raised our heads. Bebe had become unobtainable recently – we all thought it was because she hung out with Wendy too much. She got into all this empowerment shit; it was really fucking annoying, since almost every guy here is obsessed with her breasts. I have to admit, she does have a pretty great rack.

"How'd you manage that?" I asked. Clyde seemed pleased he'd got our attention; his grin seemed to get broader.

"I know how to get her. If you've forgotten, I _have_ dated her twice." He stated, proudly.

"As you keep reminding us." Token sighed.

"Anyway, I asked Red what kind of shoes Bebe really wants – Bebe _always_ wants more shoes – and even though Red resisted, she eventually gave in when I offered to buy her a pair too."

"Godammit Clyde, you've got to stop buying shoes for girls." I stated. Clyde did not seem to be deterred.

"So, when I bought them for her, Bebe was so excited that she had to give in – she is also psyched that I know her so well!"

"Except that you don't." Token muttered.

"Yes, but she _thinks_ I do, which is what matters." Clyde winked at me. I rolled my eyes.

"Clyde, you're such an asshole." I flipped him off, to which he laughed.

"Anyway, now that my love life is secure, I can focus on all of you!" He stated happily.

"Oh, noticed us? Pried your eyes away from Bebe long enough?" Token asked dryly.

"Shut it, guys. I meant, what's going on with all of your love lives?" We all looked round as Tweek's fork fell on the floor quite loudly. Thankfully, Clyde seemed to think nothing of it, but I distracted him just in case.

"Clyde, don't be such a pussy. Don't ask us that." I said as I flipped him the birdie again.

"Well, Craig's obviously a faggot since he refuses to tell me. Tweek, what about you?" Clyde grinned mischievously. This time, Tweek really did fall out of his chair. I have to admit, I laughed along with Clyde. It was a pretty funny sight. Token just glared at the pair of us while helping Tweek back up. After Clyde had got his breath back, he turned back to Tweek.

"That bad, huh? So go on, who is it you like?" Clyde seemed to be persisting. I turned round to Tweek, to see if he was going to say something, and almost backed out of my seat myself. He was staring _right at me_. It was pretty fucking intimidating, to tell the truth. I really thought he was going to say it. His eyes were locked with mine; and I could see everything he wanted to say. He was being damn obvious. All I could do was look away from his gaze and hope to hell he would turn away too. Thankfully, Token, our saviour, suddenly spoke up.

"I was thinking of asking Wendy out again." He forced out. I raised my eyebrow at him. Last time he was with Wendy, he just wanted to get rid of her. I didn't argue though – he was saving mine and Tweek's lives. I'm bloody grateful that Clyde is so damn oblivious really, probably anyone else would have figured it out when Tweek stared at me like that. Clyde's attention was quickly diverted to Token.

"Really? You should definitely go for it, bro." He stated excitedly. He was acting like a girl, honestly. Tweek spoke up then, voice shaking like hell, but in an effort to assure that he wasn't hiding, I suppose.

"I-I thought she was, um, still with Stan." He stuttered. Clyde was silent for a second, and then he turned and put a hand on Token's shoulder.

"I think she is, dude." He said, and he actually sounded somewhat fucking depressed about it. "I'm sorry."

"Oh, really?" Token put on his best surprised tone. "That's a shame."

The rest of the lunch went by without event. Clyde would enthuse away to Token, while Tweek would make poor efforts to join in the conversation, while I sat in silence and left the table with no food eaten. I had been so worried then – I really thought that Tweek was just going to come out and say it, in front of everyone. The way he'd looked at me… there was a yearning in those eyes like I'd never seen. After seeing that… well… it had made the entire situation all the more real. He really does like me. Why, though? Token's a lot nicer to him than I am. I don't think I am especially attractive; there are other guys here more so than I am, I'm sure. I don't look at them in that way, so I wouldn't know. I'm not really good at anything. I am kind of an asshole, as even Token and Clyde tell me. I can't see anything particularly desirable about me.

Why _would_ someone like Tweek like me? I can see what makes him attractive, when I look at him, which I had started to do recently. He has a good jaw-line, and when his eyes aren't spazzing closed, they are a pretty nice chocolate brown. I had always wondered why he'd never had a girlfriend. I know he's odd, and bizarre, but he's a good kid. He's good-hearted, sweet and funny. I guess not a lot of people can see that. I wouldn't have seen it myself if Token hadn't forced me to talk to him, all those years ago. So what is a guy like Tweek, kind of attractive and _nice_, although strange, doing fancying a guy like me? An asshole. I think, then, was the moment I decided that I was going to make more of an effort with Tweek. Not because he fancied me, or any other shit like that, but because he's a good guy, he's my friend despite I all, and he deserves at least some effort on my part.

After that day, I began my 'be-nice-to-Tweek' mission. I started by buying him a coffee. Nice and simple to begin with. He seemed surprised but pleased all the same, so that was a success. However, my next step had been to go over to his coffee house spontaneously one day while he was at work, and offer that he could stay at my house, just him and me, and watch some movies or something. That had been a step too far too fast, I'm sure. I think I nearly killed him; he just started spazzing out in the middle of the store. He scared the shit out of his customers. Tweek starting blurting out some babbling shit, and I made out a few words, like my own name and "kill me", "plot", and "no witnesses". I suppose I had been too keen, really. Anyone would be suspicious, and apparently Tweek had conceived an entire murder plot. Mr Tweak had stormed in then; he'd taken his son, threw me out with a glare and closed the store. I had pretty much screwed that one up. However, it wasn't a total waste. I had fun listening to Tweek telling Token the entire event through his eyes at the next sleepover. Tweek's ideas of what was actually going on amused me to no end, but it did make me realise that I have to be a bit more careful next time.

My campaign hits another huge snag, though. I am finding it difficult to be alone with him. Therefore, a lot of my efforts are in front of Clyde and Token, which cause Token to raise an eyebrow but say nothing, and Clyde to call me a fag, and Tweek to blush. I figured, if Tweek was embarrassed by it in front of those guys, then it was a wasted effort really. I suppose that it would be best to just _try_ to be alone with him. It is difficult though. I isn't awkward _between_ us; it is just awkward in my _head_. Whenever he would be damn nice to me, like he does often be – especially when Token isn't around to give him reproachful looks – I feel so guilty. I've come so close to telling him so many times that I can't even remember now.

I suppose I could save a lot of time and hurt by just saying it. I can never bring myself to do it, though, so me and Tweek just carry on like normal. What would I say to him though? I can't just say I know, and then leave it at that. Tweek would want to know how I felt. How do I feel? I'm not gay – I'm sure of that. I don't mind that Tweek likes me, it's flattering really, but it just confuses me. I don't know if I'll ever be able to understand why he likes me, but he does. That's an inescapable fact. I think, I could just tell Tweek that I accept it but I'm sorry, I'm not like that? That would be sensible, I suppose, but whenever I think about saying that…I just get this image. It's his face. He has a soft smile on his face, looking up at me in admiration as he does sometimes, especially when he thinks I'm not looking, and then I hear my words, as if coming from someone else's mouth, and his face…it just falls. The smile contorts, the eyes droop at the corners, his gaze falls to the floor…and then he just… cries. I can't do that to him. From his conversations with Token, it doesn't sound like he expects me to feel the same, but still… I don't know what to do. I sometimes just think that I should wait for him – if he wants me to know, then he'll tell me. I can act surprised. Am I that good of an actor? It would be lying again. Aren't I doing enough of that already? Every time I think I hit on a solution, I counter it. I don't know if I'll ever be able to voluntarily tell Tweek what I heard, because I don't know to what extent I've come to terms with it myself. How can I understand? I just don't. I don't get how it is possible for him to like me. If I don't understand, then I can't tell him. I often say that to myself, and then I think '_that's a load of bullshit_'. Which it is, really. I don't think I'm strong enough to just tell him. Tweek is showing no signs of telling me either, though. Both of us are too cowardly to say anything. Which is something we have in common, finally, I guess. However, in the back of my head, I know that the longer we leave it, the more of an issue it becomes. We are on a collision course with no brake pedal.


	3. Chapter 3

_A/N: __Posted on Valentine's Day - nice. Two apologies: 1 - the delay, 2 - how short this chapter is, and rushed it may seem. I haven't been able to concentrate on this piece so well since I've been focussing on my current novel. To attempt to make up for it, I have condensed two planned chapters into one, and it'll accelerate the story, like a lot. Which I need, since I can't really take on a long fanfiction project now, this will have to end soon. Hope you enjoy this anyway, and review!_

**CHAPTER THREE**

My parents tell me that my favourite game as a child was, so originally named, "spaceman". I would take any item within my immediate reach, since a game I was never fond of was "hide and seek", and thrust it onto my head. I would then proceed to run around making an array of bizarre sounds. I would then roll around on the floor, claiming to be floating. One time, I was convinced that it would be a good idea to thrust a goldfish bowl on my head, with the fish and water still inside. I've always found it strange that my parents never bought any more fish after that.

Pretending is as easy for me now as it was then. Except this game is quite different. It's not one I actually want to play, either. Neither does the other participant. You'd think that I was playing enough already, but no. I decided to play two games at once. Which is a bad idea, since the two sets of lies can collide and get confused.

The newest game started on the close of an already fucking bad day. I had been suspended. Again. Surprise surprise, my parents had no interest in cheering me up. It was only for a day, and it hadn't been my fault. Apparently, beating people up who insult your twitchy friend, who is an easy target I must admit, is against school policy. Who knew? It seems I had broken this stupid rule too many times, and that ass-fucker of a principal thought I deserved a holiday. I would have viewed it as such, if I hadn't known that my parents would blow it completely out of proportion. Trust them to get all pent up over some stupid bust-up, which hadn't even been a challenge. That Kevin kid had pretty much crumbled as soon as I touched him. Serves the fucking pussy right.

Anyway, as expected, as soon as I had stepped onto the hellhole which was legally labelled my 'home', I had not been met with cuddles and pink fluffy bunnies. Not that I would have liked that much better. I had thought that my loving mother was actually going to hit me that night. It had been a rather impressive show, in fact. My parents had managed to keep their voices at a fairly high level almost constantly for over an hour. The humour had been lost on me at the time, though. I was rather preoccupied with attempting to salvage what I could of the situation. Which I failed miserably at, I might add. Our conversation had ended with the sentences "What the hell use are you? You're a fucking waste of space" and "If you're not going to fucking bother, then why should we? Get out of my fucking house, you shithead." Judging the evidence, I would not count that as a success.

Now, contrary to popular belief, I am _not_ a heartless dick. I don't hate my family as much as I should. In fact, sometimes, they can be fairly fucking decent, as far as families in South Park go. Even my sister. So, when I left my house instantly, I did discover a sneaky tear working its way out. Not that I had let it. Craig fucking Tucker doesn't cry. Craig fucking Tucker doesn't let anything get to him. I would never admit, though, that Craig fucking Tucker actually does. Craig fucking Tucker _cares_.

Ironically, or maybe it's not ironic at all, I ended up at the last place I would've thought I would've wanted to be at that point. Before I had known it, I was sitting on Tweek's bed with a steaming mug of coffee clasped in my slightly shaking fingers.

What the fuck was I doing there? I'm still not sure now. I would've thought I'd have gone to Token's or Clyde's; I was far closer to both of them. And why, when Tweek had asked me what was wrong, did I state indifference, lie, and glare at him? I knew, then, that's my family's growing aggravation and near hatred of me would remain a secret to my friends. That's when game two had begun. Time to lie about something else to the same people.

Tweek's alarm at my initial presence had been extremely evident. Tweek's father's frustration at my presence had also been evident. He viewed me as the boy who drove his son to have spasms in the middle of his coffee shop. It had only happened that one fucking time. Well, maybe a few more times after that. I had only been trying to help, that latest time. It had been part of my 'be-nice-to-Tweek' campaign, which still needed a lot of work. Tweek had obviously been run-down due to holding up the place himself that day, and I had innocently offered to help. I had been so convinced that this was a good way to show Tweek I was his friend, that I had near dived over the counter and began to put on an apron. Looking up, I had noticed that Tweek had started to twitch violently, and then started to fling curses everywhere, then promptly fell on the fucking floor. Then his father decided to come in, and I had been chucked out. It was a good thing I hadn't decided to put on one of those crap uniform caps Tweek wears, or he may have gone into a coma. Seriously, that kid cannot accept me doing anything nice for him without a near-death experience. He was making my campaign unnecessarily difficult.

In the end, it turned out to be a good idea to go to Tweek's that night. My problem with him had momentarily distracted me from my family of pricks. As I attempted not to notice the quick glances he gave me, and ignored it whenever he scooted himself closer to me, I managed to be distracted from my situation.

Apparently it was getting harder for him. He was behaving even more irrationally at the last sleepover, his voice getting higher as I pretended to sleep. Clyde must be some sort of robot to sleep through this. Or maybe Tweek spiked his coffee with sleeping pills. Hell, I wouldn't put it past the guy. He'd drugged Kenny once, it was funny as hell. Tweek had been convinced that Kenny had made a pact with Satan to kill him, and drag him down to hell the next time he died. Tweek had then proceeded to buy sleeping pills, crush them into a 'complementary' coffee at his shop, and then lock Kenny in the basement until he fucking died, in a way that Kenny couldn't bring Tweek with him. Tweek was either badass, or completely psychotic. The rest of us assured Tweek that the pact would be broken now, and that he was safe. All because Kenny had been a fucking wasted one day, and slurred to Tweek, "You smoking, baby.", which Tweek thought was a reference to burning in hell. Even though Tweek's apparently queer, he doesn't realise when another guy is hitting on him. He also didn't know that I'd already got to Kenny myself, and warned that man-whore to stay away from my friend. Wanker.

Anyway, from the sounds of the panicked squealing at the last sleepover, it sounds like Tweek might be close to telling me. Fuck, I hope he doesn't. It's easy enough to handle at the moment, when all I have to do is ignore everything he does concerning me, and try to be a mate to him without him getting the wrong idea. If he said it out loud, well, that would pretty much fuck it all up, I reckon. What the hell would I do? What are you supposed to do? I have no flipping clue. I wouldn't accept it, that much is obvious, I'm not a fucking fag. Maybe I should ask someone what to do. God, that was a stupid idea. Who the hell would I tell? What would I say? Ignore that malfunction of the brain, stupid Craig.

Tweek had set up some shooting game for the GameSphere, which turned out to be oddly relaxing. Murdering pensioners and babies and any other fucker that comes my way is like my version of a massage. I would buy one of these games if my fucking parents would let it in to the house. They say I'm 'corrupting' my little sister. Like she could be any further corrupted; she lives in South Park. I tried sneaking it in and they found it. They're nearly as good detectives as the Hardly Boys.

Coffee and mindless killing, not a bad way to spend an evening. Tweek didn't seem to be having a bad time either. It was kind of hard to tell, though. It always is, with him, he twitches even when he's having fun.

"CRAIG!" He screeched, ridiculously loudly. He damn hurt my ears sometimes. "Be careful!" I snorted when my game character instantly swerved in the car and exploded.

"You shouldn't have distracted me." I smirked at him as I reset the game. Poor kid, his face looked completely stricken.

"GAH! Craig! I'm sorry!" He started to tug at his shirt frantically, and I responded by just laughing at him.

"You're insane." I ruffled his hair, grinning.

"I'M NOT!" He cried indignantly. "My parents say I have ADD, which is Attention Deficit Disorder, it's something I can't-"

"Tweek, shut up." I chuckled again. Tweek's paranoia would never, ever fail to amuse me. He may be my friend, but he is just asking to be laughed at. I had to laugh again when I noticed that, on my command, he was pursing his lips tightly together. Completely insane.

It reminded me of the first time he had come to my house. It had been after I had started to get over the whole fucking 'put-me-in-hospital' event and started to not hate him. 'Like' may have been a stretch. Token and Clyde had been with us, of course. We were having the sleepover at mine for a change, since Clyde was getting annoyed at having it at his all the time. Little did he know that soon they would _all_ be at his house. As expected, my family had failed at being welcoming. When my mother flipped Tweek off, I thought he was going to have heart failure. After the rest of my family continued to flip him off during the evening, I had to make him ridiculous amounts of coffee to calm him down. It had pretty much been an all-around disaster, yet fucking hilarious. Me, Clyde and Token had forgotten to warn him about the swearing, since we were all used to it. When dinnertime came, I told Tweek that he should just not say anything, and maybe my parents would leave him alone. He had taken me too literally. My mother wanted to ask 'her son's new little friend' some questions, and he refused to answer any. This earned him a major flipping off from her. The reaction from Tweek was the expected one. We had to take him home immediately.

My phone rang at that moment. Tweek wasn't the only one who jumped, especially when I saw the name on the display. Did I really want to answer the phone to my dad? I sighed and picked it up, bracing myself for a yelling at.

"Craig." His voice was monotonous rather than raised. That concerned me even more. My dad only used that tone when he had given up. "We've packed up your crap. No need to thank us. It'll be on the sidewalk when you want it." He hung up.

I wasn't going to cry. I simply fucking refused. It had really happened. They had finally done it. I noticed after a moment that I had dropped my phone. I made no move to pick it up. I couldn't believe this was finally happening. All the times they had threatened… we'd fought before, so I didn't… I… I was homeless. I would become like one of those fuckers who crawl around asking for 'change'. But seriously… I felt completely fucking paralysed. I couldn't, and didn't want, to move. I always had known that they'd had problems with me, but I hadn't known they despised me that much. My family… the only ones I'd known since birth… hated me. If the people who knew me in and out hated me, what chance did I have? Was I… unlovable? Fuck. I swallowed hard, trying to keep myself in control. So what? They hated me. What should I care? I hate them. Right? _Right_?

"Craig?" I heard the little voice beside me, but didn't want to look up. What the fuck would I say? What was I supposed to do now? I was all… fucking alone. My paralysis broke when I felt a hand tap my shoulder. I sighed and looked up, meeting Tweek's gaze.

Tweek was staring at me like… I didn't even know. Concern? No, deeper than that. It was a look I'd never seen before. It was reminiscent of the look he'd given me in the cafeteria that day, except much more… just more. I had tried to pull my gaze away, but I was trapped. I could hardly even blink. I could feel Tweek's desire pounding in my own head. The want. I could see then, everything he had ever felt for me, everything he wanted to say. This was someone who thought I was worth something. Worth caring about. This was someone who certainly didn't hate me. And that meant everything.

Before I had known what I was doing, I was pulling my lips away from his. As soon as I saw the surprise in his eyes, I realised what I had done, and instantly began to panic. What the fuck had I been thinking? So I did the only thing I could've done. I punched him. Then I ran.


End file.
